As parents, we seem to be more versed in conversations with our daughters about how they feel about their bodies than our boys. As a society, we don’t hear as much about body image issues for boys as we do for girls, but the issues are just as profound, and growing. This is impacted by a number of things - social media, porn, the Looksmaxxing phenomena, comparison with peers, depression and of course, their appearance -- including their skin!
You may have come across reports linking social media to poor body image (along with depression, anxiety, and eating disorders). Perhaps you've read about the harmful content promoting suicide, or the recent call by the US Surgeon General for warning labels on social media platforms, similar to those found on tobacco products. Even if you're aware of these concerns (and especially if you're not), I encourage you to read the essay in The New York Times titled "Gen Z Has Regrets." It highlights findings from a national survey on young adults' views of social media. Unsurprisingly, a large portion of respondents spend significant time on social: over 60% use them for four hours a day, and nearly a quarter for seven hours or more. This can't help body image for anyone, much less boys, around whom there is very little discussion of the matter.
I have tried to give it airtime in our household. In the past when I tried to talk to my sons about body image, they were hesitant to engage. It went beyond reluctance—it seemed like they didn’t even have the words to express their feelings about their body. In talking with friends and reading on the subject, I’ve realized that this experience is probably pretty common. The conversations often began slowly and awkwardly—a stark contrast to my experience talking with my daughter. The boys could tell me they wanted to 'get big' and believed they should consume lots of protein, but struggled to explain why. "Um, just because," was a common refrain.
It’s clear from actions like weightlifting, carb-cutting, grooming, and dressing that boys care about their appearance, yet they don’t see these concerns as body image issues according to experts. Many believe body dissatisfaction is mostly a problem for girls, but research says otherwise: 75% of adolescent boys are unhappy with their bodies, and up to half use supplements in their teens, hoping to gain muscle. A growing number of eating disorder patients are male, though their struggles often go unnoticed, partly because their symptoms—like excessive exercise or cutting out food groups—which can differ from girls. Boys are clearly struggling, but mostly in silence.
So what can we do as parents to help our boys navigate negative body image? An excellent resource for all things teen well-being, Young Minds, suggests the following:
1. Help them develop a positive self-image: Encourage focusing on what they like about themselves and what their bodies can do, rather than just their appearance. If you’re unsure how to start, make a list together of their strengths, which they can keep as a reminder on tough days.
2. Practice positive self-talk: Together thank your bodies for what they do. It might feel awkward at first, but it can help them appreciate their body and boost little bit of self-love. I do it with my daughter all the time and it never occurred to me until recently to do this with my sons, too. (And myself, for that matter!)
3. Create a positive online environment: Help them build a safe online space by following accounts that celebrate a variety of bodies. I do this with my daughter regularly and wish I would have done the same with my sons before they got older and I was banned from touching their phones!
4. Seek support: If their concerns about body image become overwhelming, suggest they talk to the experts.
I'd love to now what you think and what your experiences are with your boys.