I have been thinking a lot lately about rejection and failure. One of my kids is looking for his first 'real' job, and one is deep in the stressful process of applying to college in the US and university in the UK. If you're anything like me, you have deep fears for them that they might, after all this hard work, face rejection. They might not get into the college of their dreams (or nowhere at all!), or get the jobs they work so hard trying to get. I am finding these situations challenging, often accompanied by the unsettling thought that these missteps are a reflection of my parenting skills.
I have found comfort in Michelle Icard's book, 'Eight Setbacks That Can Make a Child a Success.'
In navigating teenage setbacks, she emphasizes that every child will experience moments of adversity, make mistakes, fail. The key is that in each, there is raw material for growth and character building. And while we know this rationally, it's hard to parent through this. I liked the three steps she shared to help your child overcome setbacks:
1. Contain
Do whatever it takes to limit further damage and contain so it can't get bigger. This might mean tightening curfews, limiting access to tech, staying home.
2. Resolve
Take action to fix the wound, not just stop it from bleeding. This step takes careful thought, time and action, so load up on patience and compassion.
3. Evolve
Deliberately start to put failure in the rearview mirror. Your child will not grow from the experience if the pain and embarrassment are constantly revisited.
This speaks to me! I hope you find it useful as you navigate raising your boys to be the men the world needs them to be.
Stephanie x